Spend the money on a good haircut....JUST DO IT!!!!

I decided that I needed to get a trim so that my hair isn't in my way while I'm in labor. So, since Games by James is in the Burnsville Mall and I had to stop there I decided to go to Mastercuts and get my hair cut....boy was that a HUGE mistake. I just made the assumption that because I have gotten really great haircuts at their other locations that I would get the same great service there....nope, not even close. I go in there, tell the girl what I want done, not only that but I point to how short I want it. So, she starts cutting and keeps cutting and cutting and cutting and I'm wondering, what in the world is taking so long? Then, she gets to the front of my head and she only leavs about an inch and a half of hair at the top on the right side but leaves a good 2 and a half to 3 inches on the top on the right. Not only that but it's really short on the top with this god awful long hair sticking out of the bottom. So after she was done, I made her cut it again and cut all of the long hair off. So by now of course, I am PISSED off because I have absolutely no hair left and she starts curling it so I can at least go out into the mall and do what I need to do. Yea, BIG MISTAKE!!!!! She burnt my ear on the curling iron so bad that I have a blister!!!!! She gets "done" and I realize that it doesn't look any different than it would if she would have just dried it. I made sure I told her many times that it was MUCH shorter than I had ever told her to cut it in the first place and I DID NOT give her a tip. It's bad enough that I had to pay $20 for a haircut that I hate. I was so mad after that that there was no way I could go out into the mall to get my game that I left to go home to try to figure out what in the world I can do to make my hair look presentable. I wet down my hair and tried to blow dry it....it's so short in the back that it won't curl and the very top layer is longer than the middle. Then since the left was longer than the right, I had to get my sissor out and try to make it look like the 2 sides are at least related. Then on the right, I had a very short piece on the top and a very long piece right below so I had to blend all of that together. I finally got done with all of that and decided that it didn't look terrible when I found out why the 2 sides still weren't matching one another. There was a whole piece on the left that wasn't even layered!!!! So after cutting that off and blowdrying again I think it's going to be as good as it's going to get until it grows out a bit. To top it all off, since it is so short in the back all of my haircolor was cut off so now I have to take the time this weekend and put some color in it so that the front and the back match.

I think I have finally learned my lesson. No more $20 haircuts because they are cheap. I'll gladly spend the $60 that the salon up the road charges if I can at least get a haircut that I don't have to correct when I get home.

2 headed turtle

Two-headed turtle goes on display in Pa.

Thu Sep 27, 9:50 PM ET

A pet store has bought a two-headed turtle from a collector and plans to keep it on display, the store manager said. The 2-month-old turtle, actually conjoined red-eared slider twins, fits on a silver dollar.

It has two heads sticking out from opposite ends of its shell, along with a pair of front feet on each side. But there is just one set of back feet and one tail.

The turtle is apparently healthy, and the species can live 15 to 20 years, said Jay Jacoby, manager of Big Al's Aquarium Supercenter in East Norriton. The turtle has not yet been named.

The store would not disclose how much it paid.

The same exotic-turtle collector sold another Big Al's store a conjoined-twin turtle about 20 years ago, Jacoby said. The man lives in Florida, but he declined to identify him.

The countdown begins.....

I had another doctor appointment today and everything looks good. I am already 2cm dilated - the doc said that because I have such an early start I won't have to worry about being late but it also sounds like there is a good chance that I may be early. The only thing he could really pinpoint for me is that I should have at least another 2 weeks. If this is true, I need to get going and get my bag packed and all of my last minute stuff done (I have a few clothing items to wash along with the crib sheets, the pacifiers need to be sterilized and the car seat installed in both cars). The room is now pretty much done. We put the rocking chair together on Sunday (thanks to my mom and dad for that purchase), I got the pictures hung yesterday along with all of the toys put away in the book shelf. I realized after hanging all of the pictures that we don't have enough! There is a great big naked piece of the wall between the dresser and the crib so Brice is going to go find a picture to hang there.

Since everyone has been asking for pictures of the nursery, no need to wait any longer....I finally took some today!






I think I'm going to be off to bed real early tonight. For some odd reason I'm completely wiped out and by back is killing me. Uncomfortable? I think that's and understatement.

Want more Smitty?

I found some pics of the Smitty concert from Saturday on the KTIS website and thought you all might enjoy to see them.

Aaron Shust opens up.


Smitty and band.


Last but not least, Smitty himself.

Homecoming 2007 and Smitty

Yesterday was really busy for us. We got up early and had to be over to Concordia for the all choir reunion any time after 8:30....we left about 8:15 and got there right before 9 so we made some pretty good time from here. We had breakfast there with some of my old choir mates and then we headed over to the chapel where we were having a massed choir rehearsal before the dedication of the new chapel addition. I have to admit it looks pretty spectacular....there is even air conditioning in the addition now but not so much yet for the actual chapel, it was really warm in there! Not only did they add to the chapel but they actually did some remodeling inside....ripped out the old gymnasium tile and put in some hardwood floors, framed all of the stained glass windows so that they stand out better and hid all of the radiators with actual radiator boxes. The rehearsal and chapel service was pretty fun because a couple of the old choir directors came back and got to direct as well. I have to say that there is a definate difference between the directing that we learned in school and what these old directors did....it is very miniscule and really nothing much to it which made it very hard to follow. But, it was still a great time! After that we headed back to the theatre building where the street party was starting. We had wristbands that got us unlimited food, drinks, carnival rides and beer in the alumni tent. Yea, I was a little bummed about having to miss out on the beer but Brice was really excited because he got a good Summit Ocktoberfest to go with his brats.

Here are a few pictures from the afternoon. We will start with a picture of the pit where 3 dorms and a house used to be. Early this fall they tore them all down to build this huge 4 floor apartment style dormatory (why couldn't they have had that when I was there????)

This next one is the front of the chapel addition.

Me petting a little calf at the petting zoo. Brice didn't tell me when he was snapping the picture so I look a little wierd.

A self portrait of us after just having downed a bag of mini donuts.

And last but not least, I'm going to call this my ode to Josh Huber.

So, after having done all of this, we left around 4pm to head down to Eden Prairie because we had tickets to see Michael W. Smith at Grace church. Since we got there so early we decided to stop at the mall and do a little window shopping and get a snack before we headed down to the church for the concert. We really had a great time....the show ended up being sold out so I'm glad I got tickets when I did. I was a little perterbed with people though because when we got the tickets in the mail there was an insert that said there was no photography allowed so being the good person that I am, I did not take the camera in. Obviously, this didn't stop people from taking a million pictures but now I'm mad that I have nothing to show for being there....grrrrrr..... Anyways, the concert was more like Smitty unplugged. He did a lot of worship and praise music and only a small set of actual Smitty originals. We were a little disappointed that it wasn't a bigger, less accoustic concert but with Smitty you can't go wrong. This guy is a freakin' genious! I would be happy with half of the talent that he's got. He was talking about his new Christmas album that's coming out in a couple of weeks and I'm really excited to hear it. He got to record it at Abby Road in London and all the pieces are original and John Williams-eske. Just think, Smitty meets John Williams.....I can't think of anything more music geeky than that!

Today, we went to church and in the bulletin they were advertising for an open worship leader for their new Threshold services that are geared directly to young adults. I'm seriously thinking about applying for it - it's a part time position and it would allow me to actually use my degree (YES!!!!) and do something different that I have always wanted to do (get more into the contemporary music scene). I have a lot to think and pray about regarding that.

I'll close with a picture of a present that was waiting for me when I got home from work on Friday afternoon.

Where are all the crazies coming from?

I just found this article posted on Yahoo and thought I would share it with all of you. Where does this lady get the idea that governments can force upon people the length of a marriage....come on people!

Glamorous politician wants law to allow 7-year itch

By Madeline ChambersFri Sep 21, 4:00 AM ET

Bavaria's most glamorous politician -- a flame-haired motorcyclist who helped bring down state premier Edmund Stoiber -- has shocked the Catholic state in Germany by suggesting marriage should last just 7 years.

Gabriele Pauli, who poses on her web site in motorcycle leathers, is standing for the leadership of Bavaria's Christian Social Union (CSU) -- sister party of Chancellor Angela Merkel's conservative Christian Democrats (CDU) -- in a vote next week.

She told reporters at the launch of her campaign manifesto on Wednesday she wanted marriage to expire after seven years and accused the CSU, which promotes traditional family values, of nurturing ideals of marriage which are wide of the mark.

"The basic approach is wrong ... many marriages last just because people believe they are safe," she told reporters. "My suggestion is that marriages expire after seven years."

After that time, couples should either agree to extend their marriage or it should be automatically dissolved, she said.

Fifty-year-old Pauli, twice divorced, is a maverick intent on shaking up her male-dominated and mainly Catholic party which has dominated Bavarian politics since World War Two.

"This is about bringing ideas into the CSU and starting a discussion," she told German television on Thursday after she had unleashed a wave of criticism from other politicians.

Former foe Stoiber said she did not belong in the CSU and European lawmaker Ingo Freidrich dismissed her views.

"She is diametrically contradicting our Christian, ethical values," Freidrich said.

Peter Ramsauer, head of the CSU in Germany's parliament, compared Pauli's ideas to "the dirt under your fingernails".

Pauli, who attracted attention earlier this year when she posed for a magazine wearing long black latex gloves, was at the centre of a snooping scandal which eventually led to Stoiber, Bavarian premier for 14 years, saying he would stand down early.

She said his office tried to obtain details about lovers and alcohol consumption to use against her.

The CSU will elect Stoiber's successor as party head at a conference next week. He will be replaced as state premier in early October.

Viewed as a party rebel, Pauli stands almost no chance of winning next week's vote. The contest has been fought mainly between Bavarian state economy minister Erwin Huber and German Consumer Minister Horst Seehofer.

The popularity of Seehofer, a 58-year-old married father of three, has suffered from the disclosure that he had been having an affair with a younger woman who recently had his baby.

Almost finished!

So, Brice and I had our last child birth class on monday which ended up being very informative because one of the pediatritians from the practice we are choosing came in to speak to the class. Talk about overload of information! There is so much to talk about but not enough time to talk about it so we got a brief overview of what to expect after giving birth and all that good stuff. The lady giving the class was so nice that she bought a cake and treats for our last day....she called it celebrating a birthday although nobody was close to giving birth yet.

Last night, we took a tour of the hospital's maternity ward. For those of you interested, we will be having the baby at Fairview Southdale. We have decided that we aren't going to have any visitors there since we really won't be there very long and honestly, I don't want to be around anybody after just giving birth. Once we are home though we are expecting gads of people to come over to the house to visit. The one good thing is that the hospital has wireless internet for the patients to use while there so we will be able to blog and post pictures pretty much right away so there should be no having to wait for your baby fix! I am pretty much done with everything that needs to get done....I filled out the pre-reg form and faxed that in this morning and the only thing left is to get a few essentials for my hospital bag and to actually pack my bag and I'm ready. I'm going to be prepared long in advance because I don't want to be caught off guard.

Saturday review

I had a pretty good day today. Woke up around 8 and watched some news, ate some cheerios and watched a little fun animal shows and a little bit of Mythbusters (this is our favorite show.....if you have never seen Mythbusters on Discovery, I highly recommend it, it is a show the whole family will enjoy). I finally decided to get out of my comfy flannel pj's which almost don't fit around my belly anymore and got ready for a baby shower that my friend Donna held for me at her house. She had wonderful food! She decided to go with brunch and made this egg bake that had croissants for crust, eggs, potatoes, cheese and sausage in it.....mmmmm, that was really tasty! She also had all of the decorations, plates and napkins all Noah's Ark - it was so cute! Of course, I forgot my camera because Brice was rushing me out of the door so fast that I don't have any pictures. There were just a few people that showed up but it was a fun time. I got to see my aunt Barb and my cousin Courtney and my friend Allison who I have not seen in forever so that was really nice. Since I didn't get any pictures of the shower, I decided to take a picture of one of the gifts that I got. Donna got this great bouncy seat for the baby that actually vibrates and plays music. I decided to put it together once I got home and it is so cute!


Brice and I decided to make beer can chicken on the grill tonight for dinner. Of course, I go out to check it after an hour and there is no flame left in the grill and we were 5 degrees away from it being done so we had to bring it in the house and finish it in the oven but it turned out really well.

Brice decided that he wanted pictures of his hand, stitches and all, to put up on his blog. I promised him that I would not post them here so if any of you want, I am going to send you over to his blog to check it out.

Well, that's all for now. Tomorrow is church day and after that I'm going to spend some time in Karsten's room and hopefully get everything done....I have curtains to hang, the rug to vacuum, the furniture put where it goes and pictures to hang. Hopefully I can get that done and post pictures of the finished product for you all to see.

Baby and Daddy

First line of business today is baby. We had another appointment yesterday and had an ultrasound to measure my little guy to make sure he wasn't too big since I'm measuring weeks ahead of what I should be. The ultrasound estimated his weight to be 5lbs and 4oz and he ranks in the 61st percentile. He has a head that is on the large side of average, his tummy measurements are dead on and his leg measurements are on the small side of average. The doc said if it weren't for the size of his head that he would be dead on at the 50th percentile. We got a few pictures of him, one of the bottom of his foot, his leg and one of the side of his face with his hands in front of his mouth which he would not move so we could get a good look at his face (he wasn't liking the ultrasound much!). I don't have pictures to post now because our printer is well, doing what printers do best so I'll try to get those up soon. Also, the ultrasound tech said that we are absolutely having a boy, all parts are there as expected! Brice can now stop saying what would happen if we have a girl.

Second line of business is Brice. He did his first dressing change last night and finally counted all of the stitches.....there are 22 total! He's of course, having problems doing everyday things because it is on his right hand and he is right handed. I had to put his shoes on for him yesterday, pick him up at home to go to the doctor, make dinner, do the dishes, wash and fold all of his laundry.....I was pretty exhausted last night after all of that. Today he is going to try to venture out for a while with the car; hopefully he is careful to try to not use his right hand much. He said that he's been in a lot of pain this morning but he took some medicine and should be feeling better.

Well, that's all for now. Hopefully there will be nothing exciting to say from now until Saturday which marks the very last baby shower that is on my schedule. Hopefully we get lots of stuff that we still desperately need!

A late night in the ER

Well, we had to take our first trip to the ER last night as a married couple! Brice was washing dishes and broke a casserole dish and cut himself really bad from his wrist up to his pinky finger on his right hand. I quickly put his shoes on for him and drove him over to the ER for stitches. We left the house around 9pm and he got done in the ER right around 11 after which we had to go to Walgreens and get some antibiotics and pain meds filled along with some dressing changes. After we got home we had to clean up the evidence and get ready for bed (I think I went to bed around 12:30 and got up at 5am for work so I'm pretty sleepy today). He cut himself so bad that he has at least 15 stitches (he said he didn't count them because he couldn't watch.....there is something about being ok watching other people go through traumatic situations but is different when it is him) and the cut down by his wrist is down to the bone. They put him in a splint so he can't move his finger at all and blow the stitches and he can't go to work for a week. I feel so bad for him and helpless that I really can't help him when I'm stuck at work. I'll try to take a picture of his splint tonight and post it so you all can see how bad it is. Please keep him in your prayers because he's having a tough time (I believe) but he just won't admit it.

Weekend and Pavarotti

It's been a pretty long and busy weekend! Friday was the usual get to work, put in your 8 hours and you are so glad to go home. Before the end of the day though I had a meeting with my supervisor to figure out some of this maternity leave stuff. After having a lengthy discussion with him about how things in our department need to change or I have to leave actually made me feel a little better. He is totally on my side with everything and dosen't see why all of this is even an issue. He said that when him and his wife decide to start their family he is going to ask for exactly the same things that I am. So now, we have to try and talk the other managers of our department into being a little more flexible. We'll see where all of this goes.

On Saturday morning we woke up and realized there was nothing for breakfast so we went to Perkins to have a hearty one (there is something about sleeping in and going for a late breakfast at Perkins on the weekend that is just satisfying). We went back home and Brice decided to do some cleaning and I went up to Wal-mart to get some shopping done. I had to go take a couple of duplicate gifts back that we got for the baby and got one of those warm sacks for taking the baby outside during the winter....he'll be nice and warm in that. After coming home I decided to tackle all of the clothing items that we had gotten for Karsten. I went through everything, took off the tags on the stuff he can wear right away, unwrapped all the blankets and unpackaged everything else that needed to be washed and I washed it all. There was so much stuff that I ended up with 2 large loads of laundry....for a baby! I was amazed at how much stuff there was. Everything is so fluffy that it took a little longer than normal to dry in the dryer and there was a TON of fuzz to deal with. So, everything is washed and put away in the dresser ready to go unless I get more. After looking at what clothes we had and didn't have we realized that he only had one pair of cord pants and a pair of jean overalls and the rest were all jammie type pants. There were also a LOT of short sleeved onsies but only one zip up sweater that he can wear over the top. So, after church today we took a trip to Target and found him 3 pairs of pants and a knitted zip up sweater. We also found a small bookshelf to put in his room that was on clearance so now we have MORE furniture to put together. Back to Saturday, we cut up some of the apples that we got at the apple orchard last weekend and made this totally yummy carmel apple bar recipe....it is SOOOOO good! I have a feeling that I will make more because we have a good 10 pounds of apples left.

Tonight we went over to the VFW for dinner because the fire department was having it's annual chicken fry. I don't quite understand the connection between firemen and being good at grilling but it sure makes a great combo. The food was wonderful and our money went to a good cause.

There was this amazing article in the StarTribune today about Pavarotti....it says completely what all of us musicians strive for but can never quite grasp completely but Pavarotti had it all. I enjoyed reading it and I think I'll have to hang a copy of it up in my cube or on the fridge or something because it is truely inspiring.

John Timpane: His talent really was that rare
There are three unusual abilities that must be wedded to become the singer he was.

John Timpane

Published: September 09, 2007

Luciano Pavarotti once sang a song of mine.
I wasn't there; I had to wait for the video on PBS. He didn't sing lead; he came in on the choruses. But the way he performed even this relatively humble musical task -- compared with the mammoth spectaculars, the Verdi, Puccini, Donizetti heroics for which he had become famous -- taught me what it takes to make a Pavarotti. It's more than meets eye or ear, and that says a lot for so big a man.

Along with Enrico Caruso, Beniamino Gigli, and a tiny group of others, Pavarotti married three singular, extremely rare talents. To have a Pavarotti, you need all of them; without any one, you might have a pretty good thing, but not the human miracle in such a singer.

Thing 1: The Voice. This is the province of the Creator, and only if it pleases Him/Her/Them. You know that truism about "You can either play in the NBA or you can't"? The Pavarotti-level voice is much, much rarer than the man or woman who can dunk. Maybe a few thousand people around the world can play professional basketball. How many Pavarottis are there at one time?

Thing 2: Musicianship. People think singers like Pavarotti stride on to the stage, take their stance and just belt it out. Not so. To be a singer at that level, you must be a musician. You must learn your instrument through and through (including the athletics of it, the exercise, the preparation, the competition, the mentors and coaches). You must grow expert in the history of music, the rules, the legacies of thousands of other performers. It's a religion. It's slavery.

But then the hard part. Thing 2B. You must somehow reach through all that training and use music to explore reality, human emotion, the situation of human beings in the world.

You must learn how to challenge, touch, enlighten others. Some of this can be taught. Much can't. You have to have lived in the world with your eyes and spirit wide open. No true musician is only a technician, only a plumber with facts and techniques. You can study music all your life -- thousands do -- and "know everything about music" (thousands do) and still not have what I'm talking about. Pavarotti had the unteachables. He would have been a wondrous musician no matter his voice.

Thing 3: An entertainer's sense to match voice and musicianship. Pavarotti was the hammiest of hams, far beyond the bourgeoise overacting of the operatic tradition: He seldom hesitated to milk the moment, search the funny bone, prompt the reach for the hankies. He also, however, was a professional who honored what the entertainer does: assess the mood and needs of the audience and work to realize them. Entertainment, whether classical music or dime dancer, is a generous act, outerly, other-oriented. Watch a Pavarotti performance sometime. Watch his eyes, his body language. He's reading the audience because he needs them to need him.

Many people have one of these things -- an exquisite physical gift; mastery of music; audience connection. Almost no one, and maybe only a handful in the world in any one generation, has them all. Pavarotti had them all.

I am proud and thrilled to have helped write a song on which Pavarotti actually sang. The event was a 1995 "Pavarotti and Friends" benefit concert in Modena for the orphans left by the bloody conflict in Bosnia. The Croatian musician Nenad Bach asked me to work with him on the lyrics to a song -- "Can We Go Higher?" -- that asked whether humanity could ever live in peace, ever transcend its legacy of tribal violence. Nenad sang lead, I recall, but Pavarotti sat in on the choruses -- and he did what he always did, pitched for the home team, took that stance we all know so well and just blasted out the music -- but with earned emotion, eyes traveling the crowd, calling them in. He probably had heard the song maybe a few hours before, and yet he was laying out all his resources on its behalf, as though it were Beethoven. It was a benefit; he was either not getting paid or not getting his normal check. And there he was, not even the lead, working his work.

He did the same thing for many causes, political and musical. He was the best salesman classical music ever had, just by being himself. Remember: The miracle in a musician is mostly invisible. The miracle you hear is the miracle he or she has lived. I am glad that, if only for the slenderest of moments, I got a chance to see him live it.

John Timpane is a musician and the associate editor of the editorial board of the Philadelphia Inquirer. He wrote this for the Hartford Courant.

Decisions

Well, Brice and I have been talking about what to do after the baby is born. I decided to go on our site at work where all the current open positions are and found a few jobs that I could work full time from home which would solve all of our problems. We decided that I should try and apply for one while I am waiting on a response from the department that I work for. I ran into our department head today and he is still planning on meeting with me sometime this week to see if there is something that can be worked out. And to think, all of this could have been avoided if they would just have said that I could work 4 days rather than 5. I'll keep everyone updated as to what ends up happening

On another work note, please keep my co-worker Kay in your prayers. She ended up going home early yesterday because she wasn't feeling right and ended up having emergency brain surgery because the doctor's found a tumor.

Motherhood....trials and tribulations

Everything had been going so well and we thought we would start our wonderful role as parents with not a care in the world....until I hit the brick wall. I had to have a meeting this week with a couple of the managers at work so that they could give me a verbal warning about being sick too many times....yea you heard me right, what kind of crap is that???? #1 - I get sick quite often #2 - I have a personal philosophy that you don't go to work when you are sick so you don't spread it to other people and #3 - I'm pregnant, I have to take care of myself and I can't use all of the possible energy I have when I'm not feeling well to go to work and then who knows what would happen? I'm not going to put my unborn child at that kind of a risk. So at this "meeting" I was told that I shouldn't come to work when I'm sick but that I SHOULD come to work anyway if I'm sick.....ummmm, yea, whatever. So then I decide to ask what is going to happen before and after my maternity leave. I asked very politely to spend the last week or two working at home and I got the "No because if we do it for you we have to do it for everyone else"....ummm, I'm the only one in my department pregnant. Then I got the, "well, we can't have you working at home because it's a HIPPA violation"....yea, I'm not giving you credit on this one either because it's not any more a HIPPA violation to work in an office building than it is in a home. So then, I asked to work 4 ten hour days when I come back from leave and I got the same crap excuse....yea I got a big fat pile of poop at work yesterday and I have not been happy about it because it screws up all of the plans that Brice and I had set to take care of the baby.

All of this of course, makes me feel like crap and I feel like it is all my fault and it's impossible for me not to be upset about it (of course, the horomones probably don't help the situation any). I feel lied to and used at work....I took that job because I knew that we would be starting a family and the options were there for flexible working hours and possibly working from home only to find out now that apparently the office I work in doesn't follow those corporate policies. So, of course, that gets the wheels turning - is it worth to continue to work after the baby is born if I can't have what I thought I was going to? Do I try to transfer to a different department that would allow me to have a more flexible schedule? Do I try going down to part time? What is going to be the best situation for all of us? I wish that I could just stop working for now but that just isn't going to be possible because we don't have enough income coming from Brice in order to pay all of the bills and be able to eat (ah, the crummy income of a paramedic!) so I have to keep working. Do I keep my job or do I decide that I'm going to stop working for corporate America to work for a more mommie friendly company? Am I over-reacting? Is the stress of there only being 8 weeks left getting the best of me? I don't know what the answers to all of those questions are. All of this is tough enough for me but then I have to deal with my always worrying about having enough money of a husband and with the fact that my short term disability policy at work only pays for 6 weeks of wages when I get a total of 12 off through FMLA....where is the cash for an extra 6 weeks off of work going to come from???? It's been a rough couple of days.

I have so many things going through my head right now that I don't know what I should be feeling. I already feel as though I have failed my son because I thought I had everything all set and ready for his arrival. I feel as though my employer has let me down and I have lost hope of ever enjoying my work again. I feel angry and upset that we now have to come up with an alternate way of taking care of the baby when both of us are at work (nanny or daycare?) when all we wanted to do was to take care of him ourselves. Will things eventually work out? Yes, but not without a little extra cash out of the wallet and a little less time watching my son grow. I think that is what is upsetting me the most....I just want to be there for him day in and day out and watch the little miracle that we created explore, learn and grow. I know that I'll probably always feel that way but I think this is the most difficult thing I have had to deal with my whole life. I can't wait for him to make his appearance but I don't think I'm going to want to leave him after that.